It’s what the Lord gave me at the start of this year and I was ready to tackle this year by doing a better job of caring for myself; physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually.
However, life has been nonstop chaos on so many levels as this time of year typically is. It’s been a long while since I’ve had any issues with my Spina Bifida and I’m incredibly grateful.
Unfortunately, I pushed the limits and have a little hiccup. It’s forcing me to rest and teaching me how to be ok to let others do things for me.
The hardest part of all this is seeing the faces on my boys as they see me in pain and struggling. This is the first time they’ve walked with me through something like this and it’s my first real opportunity to show them strength in vulnerability as it directly relates to my disability.
I will conquer this set back and I will embrace the limitations as I let my body heal. I will learn through this and remind myself just how important it is to slow down. I will continually give Him praise because there’s nothing that can steal my hallelujah. I vow to do a better job of honoring self-care so that I can be present as long as possible for my family. I will choose joy even through the tears of frustration. He is good and I will trust in Him.
If you’re running yourself thin; I encourage you today to slow down and take time to rest your body and your soul. Allow that rest to refresh and restore you.
Somehow
lately Satan has found a way to weasel into my mind and I’ve been doubting my
worth so much lately. So much, that my heart has been heavy and my anxiety has
been at an ultimate high.
Most would never even guess how insecure in my
friendships I’ve been over the last month or how I feel like I fail as a mom
and a wife almost daily. I’m human, it happens, right?
Even after a beautiful time surrounded by
women I admire and adore Saturday evening; I still felt unworthy of it all. I was loved on, encouraged, gifted some beautiful things, and read through a handful of genuine cards; yet I still thought to myself "do they really think these things, do they truly enjoy my friendship, because there's no way I'm worthy of any of this".
Now, I'm not saying any of this to get confirmation that they do or be told encouraging things because I was having a doubtful moment. I'm being real and if we're all real, then I'm sure we can all admit that we sometimes doubt our worth. We shouldn't, but we do.
I went to bed that night and was so frustrated that I just couldn't feel the joy I knew I should be feeling. I kept asking the Lord to just take the heaviness away, allow me to feel peace, and to be able to fully celebrate in the joys of life. I then realized that I've lost my footing a bit. I've stepped out of the identity I have in Him. I labeled myself a failure after a recent situation that hit our family and I've been carrying that for almost 2 months now. He spoke to my heart and told me to let Him have it, to grab tighter to His hand, and to fight for my freedom in it.
Sunday morning
during worship, I fought back. I begged God to set me free from these lies,
this anxiety stricken life lately, these chains that keep me bound to the
ground, and I declared freedom in this area of my life. I may have even yelled it
out over and over! The students in front of me probably thought “set her free
already!”.
He gave me freedom though. He lifted the burden that I thought was mine to carry and He broke the chains on this situation I thought needed to hold me down. See, when I feel like I messed up, I sometimes want to carry it around, as if I need to be punished for messing up, but that's not what He wants for us. He's created this beautiful connection for us to reach out to Him and hand our burdens over. We just have to let them go.
Today, in my quiet time with Him, the Holy Spirit told me to grab my birthday cards and read through each one again. I did and I received each word, each compliment, each God given piece of identity my friends spoke over me. I cried. Tears of gratitude to the God who loves me so much and knows just what I need when I need it. Honestly, I would've tucked those cards away and not looked over them again for awhile. He knew I needed to actually read them and to remember whose I am.
He adores you, He wants freedom for you, He wants joy for you. Will you let Him give those things to you?
Yesterday afternoon after I had a couple seconds to breathe after
the chaos of the last couple days, I walked into my bedroom and saw this.
Immediately I started crying. Maybe because I’m sooooooo (yes soooooo)
incredibly exhausted, but my heart was so overwhelmed with gratitude.
See, lately the Lord has provided me with a solid tribe of women.
Yesterday this folded pile of laundry was done by one of those women, then she
vacuumed my house, then she helped me with another disaster, then another friend
came over to sit with me at my table to let me unload some of my heart stuff
and then she spoke truth into my life while challenging me to be the best woman
I can be, then another friend delivered a McDs coke to my door knowing how long
my night before was. On top of that, several of my tribe women were texting me
checking in, helping me through some chaos, and praying over me.
I’m not saying this to say “hey, I’ve got great friends”; I’m saying
this because I want to encourage you that if you’re praying and desiring a
tribe of solid people around you, He hears your prayers. He’s building your
tribe, He’s preparing your heart for this tribe, and He will provide the people
you need in your life. I promise. He’s faithful.
These women have come at what seems like the perfect time, but when
I look back at the process it’s been to get to this point in my life, I realize
that He was probably ready to surround me with incredible women long ago, but
my heart wasn’t ready.
I’m easily guarded, I’m one that has strived to be strong enough to
be ok doing things on my own, I don’t ask for help, I pride myself on being a
strong woman, but over the last year I’ve realized that I have more strength in
being vulnerable. I’ve broken down some walls, I’ve let some women in, and my
heart has been more fulfilled than I ever could have imagined.
Today I encourage you to keep praying for your tribe, but I also
want to encourage you to be praying over your heart as well. Be asking Him to
prepare your heart for the tribe He wants to surround you with.
To my tribe, thank you for being amazing, for loving me well, for
showing up when I need you, for challenging me, encouraging me, praying over
me, praying with me, for being consistent; for just being you. I love you all
sooooooooo stinking much.
This morning I came across a video of a worship song from
Bethel Music and leading it was Peyton Allen, a young man fully anointed and so
talented. Ten seconds into the song I was bawling my eyes out. Like full on
ugly cry. I sat for a moment, felt the emotions overcome my heart, and then I
asked the Spirit “what is this that I’m feeling?”, “why am I feeling it?”, “why
is it so heavy”, “what are you showing me Lord?”.
He let me sit in for a little longer before speaking to my heart
and giving me this incredibly beautiful vision. Friends, He’s good and He's capable of showing us the most amazing things if we are willing to open our
hearts and eyes to see it. I watched this young man lead this song that I’ve led myself,
but you know what I saw? I saw my boys leading it, I saw my boy’s arms lifted
high singing to their King, I saw my boys growing into these strong passionate
leaders for Christ. I saw a beautiful vision of the hope and prayers I have
placed in Christ for my boy’s future. Then He spoke to my heart and reminded me
to “dream big for your littles”.
.
We spend a lot of our lives dreaming big for ourselves.
Praying and hoping for His will to accomplish the desires of our hearts, but
this morning I’m reminded that as a mother I’m to dream big for my littles as
well. I was reminded this weekend by a friend that my boys belong to the Lord; it’s my job
to parent them and protect them, but I must remember that it’s also my job to
trust Christ with them. That’s not easy for me.
Today, not only am I learning to trust Him more with my
children, I’m learning that I get to dream big for them too. That I get to pray
amazing things for their future, that I get to pray over their friends, their
relationships, their accomplishments, even their mistakes. I get to pray over these
things; I get to trust in Christ with them. I’m grateful for this beautiful
reminder today.
Wherever you’re at in your parenting walk, I pray you are
encouraged today. I pray you can trust Christ more with your children and that
you are dreaming big for them.
Grab some tissues and watch the video below that moved my heart so deeply this morning. I can’t imagine the feeling Peyton’s parents feel watching him lead worship. I can’t wait for that day as a parent!!!
Any tired mamas out there? Or should I say; any tired people out there? Holy moly; can you say WORN OUT!?!
I started the new year with intentions of writing more and last night
while getting a few minutes with my hubby before we crashed in bed, he asked me
when I was going to throw up another post. I almost immediately felt the
heaviness that my anxiety brings, but I took a breath and reminded myself that
writing is a part of therapy for me. A release, if you will, of emotions that I’m
still working on not keeping tucked inside. So, here I am today, worn out,
struggling with the current busyness of our lives, but so thankful for a space
here to just share and hopefully encourage.
This new year has continued with crazy schedules for our family and
though we are exhausted, we are happy, and so blessed to be in this season. You
won’t find us complaining, but you will find us super tired, our heads hitting
the pillows as early as possible to get in some rest, and when we’re not committed
to things outside of the house, you’ll more than likely find us at home soaking
up any time we can get as a family. You may find us learning to say no to
certain things we wish we could be a part of like book studies and coffee dates
or dinner dates, but as we’re navigating each responsibility in our lives right
now by giving them our best; we know this is a season. Seasons change and we
know that the busyness will slow down at some point and if it doesn’t, we’ll continue
to learn how to better pace ourselves in this race of life. I hope. ;)
For those of you going through a similar busy time in your lives, I
want to encourage you with a few things that have helped me lately.
One, know that it’s ok to say no to things. You don’t have to fill your
schedules completely just to accommodate every offer that comes your way. Your
friends and family love you and will always be there, they’ll understand that
you’re a in a busy season, and may even step up to help you out! I have a
friend who’s making our family dinner on the night that my hubby is working
late. Community at its finest. J
Two, make your spouse a priority. Work, church, friends, kids, etc.
Those things fill so much of my schedule right now, but my hubby, he’s a
priority and when I’m not giving him the attention he needs, we’re both
hurting. There’s something incredible about being intentional with your spouse
especially during busy seasons. (Be ready
for some intentional time tonight baby! After all, it is Valentine’s Day!
Sorry, I couldn’t resist!)
Three, make yourself a priority. How? That’s usually my response when
people remind me I need to stop and make sure I’m taking care of myself. It’s
not an easy task for me to make sure I’m taking care of myself when I literally
feel like there’s no extra minutes in my day, but truth be told, I can make time and so can you. For me, I
just need a few minutes to decompress, breath in the beauty that’s in my life,
and remember what I was created for. So, put down your phone, stop scrolling on
social media apps, go sit on the couch and watch your favorite show, go take a
hot bath, read a few chapters of a new book, go eat your favorite dessert after
the kids are in bed; whatever it takes, do it. If you can swing it and it doesn’t
overwhelm you, then go grab a quick coffee with a friend. Just make sure that
you find time for you during finding time for everyone and everything else.
Finally; the most important piece of advice I can give you; spend time
with Jesus EVERYDAY as much as you can!! If that’s all you can do during this busy
time, then it’ll be everything you need. Don’t put pressure yourself to wake up
and read an entire book of the bible or spend a certain amount of time
journaling; just spend time with Him. Talk to Him, rest in His presence,
worship Him, sing to Him, love on Him, smile at Him, thank Him; give Him as
much of you as you can and friends, He’ll provide joy and peace. He’ll be the
thing that keeps you moving during the busyness and He won’t let you whither
and fail. He’s amazing and if I didn’t have time with Him filling my cup each
day then I’d be empty and dry with nothing left to give to anyone.
Jeremiah
17:7-8 “But blessed are those who
trust in the Lord and have made the Lord their hope and
confidence. They are like trees planted along a riverbank, with roots
that reach deep into the water. Such trees are not bothered by the
heat or worried by long months of drought. Their leaves stay
green, and they never stop producing fruit.”
This verse I have been clinging lately. Seasons change, but I know that
He doesn’t. His promises and His word remains the same and for that I’m so
thankful. I can have confidence that when I place my trust and hope in Him I’ll
be ok.
Now, find some time to do all 4 of those things before you go to bed!
Ha! Just kidding!! If I were reading this, that’s where my mind would go. “Ok,
Krista, the day is not over, say no to something, spend time with the hubby, do
something for myself, and go talk to Jesus. I’ve got this. Let’s do it!”
It’s been over a year since I’ve written a blog post and it’s been long overdue. 2018 will bring more posts; its a resolution. Or wait. Maybe not a resolution; maybe just a promise to myself. I’m horrible with resolutions.
I started this blog for many reasons. Writing is therapy for me, right next to cooking and cleaning. No joking there. Writing is also a way for me to share and encourage my readers who have in turn shared and encouraged me so much over the last 5 years.
I just wanted to say a huge thank you to all of you have followed along the last 5 years. This next year will be a journey and I look forward to having you each along for the ride. To my new readers, be ready. Grateful Imperfections was created with each of you in mind. I pray you find strength in your imperfections, become grateful for them, and change the world around you because of them. This year, I want to hear your stories, your victories, I want YOU to encourage readers by having a spotlight on this blog. So, for those of you who are already itching to become grateful for your imperfections, jump in, we’re going to ride through this next year together.
As I dive head first into each new year, I typically just say a quick thanks to the Lord for the year before while counting all my blessings, ignoring all the struggles, tucking away all the hurts, and clinging to the goodness that will keep me moving forward. However, this new year I’m relishing in all of 2017, the good and the bad. Why do you ask? Well, at the beginning of 2017 I vowed to learn to be vulnerable again. I learned so much of what I was missing was simply because I had become hard, callused, and had so many walls built up to keep all the pain out, but as a result of that, I was keeping out all of the joy as well. I was numb. I was tired of it. I missed laughing and feeling the joy, I missed crying at the beautiful things, I missed crying at the things that broke me, I missed feeling His sweet presence upon my heart. So, I committed to walking forward in the journey to become vulnerable once again. Little did I know what the journey was going to look like. Over the next few weeks I’ll share more with you about the set backs, the ugly, the uglier, and the ugliest details of that journey, but I promise to also share with you how incredible it was and how much its changed my life on so many levels.
2017 brought a lot for me, for my family, and for the community around me, but in the midst of my personal journey, I found strength in vulnerability and through that I found myself learning how to fully trust in God. I truly believe my willingness to fully surrender to Him allowed me to fully trust in Him, which I know was crucial in my surviving this past year on so many levels.
There were a lot of “I’m sorry”, “bear with me”, “don’t give up on me”, and “please pray for me” this past year as I continually broke down walls. I’m sure many of those around me can attest to the truth that I was down right ugly at times and for majority of them, they had no idea why. I was daily fighting this battle of surrendering myself to Christ fully, which meant I was no longer in control; that I was allowing Him to be in control. That was new for me. I like being in control, I like knowing that the plan is. I’m terrified and downright fearful of the unknown. Well, I was. ;)
I was learning that as I became more confident in Christ, I became more confident in who I truly was, and with that I learned not to be sorry for who I am or try to hide behind all those walls I had built. I no longer wanted to wear the title of always being full of strength and confidence, I no longer wanted to constantly carry others burdens and never hand over any of my own, I no longer wanted to always be ok because I was worried that people would pity me, I no longer wanted to be totally ok with having so my physical limitations because of each disease and disability I carry. I wanted to be real and sometimes being real means not always having the answers and being ok, but you know what the biggest thing I learned through all of that is? It doesn’t mean I’m weak because I’m not always on top of my game. Weakness comes when we let all those things drive us down and away from Christ. When we surrender all those very real things to Him and trust Him with all of it, we are victorious, we are strong, we are courageous, and we are warriors. I became a warrior in 2017 and 2018 better look out because I’m stronger, braver, and happier than I’ve ever been. For the first time in my life, I’m letting Christ lead the way and even better, I’m letting Him carry me on the days I’m struggling instead of trying to carry myself.
I learned so much and I’m growing in so many ways, but I still have A LOT of work, but this year I’m ok with sharing my journey along the way with all of you. I’ve come out of hiding and I’m incredibly grateful for those of you who have been on this journey with me. Some of you have seen the ugliest parts of this year and have stuck by me, have given me more chances, have held my hand, have cried with me, have rejoiced with me, have pushed me when I needed it, have stopped me and made me listen when I didn’t want, but most of all, have loved me unconditionally. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
To my incredible husband, you by far have been my biggest supporter this past year and without your constant love and encouragement to me, I would’ve given up before February. ;) I love you so much. Thank you for being my best friend and loving me so well. I couldn’t have asked for a better man to be by my side. (Side note; single ladies, don’t settle, find a man who loves Jesus more than he loves you. We’ll talk about this later. *wink*)
There’s so many beautiful details, new adventures, life changes, and hardships that 2017 brought that I’ll share along the way, but for now, I encourage you to relish in all that 2017 gave you and be ready for all that 2018 has. As Joel Taylor posted this morning on his IG, “I feel led to release the anointing for breakthroughs, healings, and extravagant miracles to all of you”.
I’m ok with all the ugly that 2017 had, indebted for all the good it had, and expectant for all He has for me in 2018. Are you ready? Lets do this!
2 Corinthians 12:9-10New Living Translation (NLT)
9 Each time he said, “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me. 10 That’s why I take pleasure in my weaknesses, and in the insults, hardships, persecutions, and troubles that I suffer for Christ. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
