Somehow lately Satan has found a way to weasel into my mind and I’ve been doubting my worth so much lately. So much, that my heart has been heavy and my anxiety has been at an ultimate high.
Most would never even guess how insecure in my friendships I’ve been over the last month or how I feel like I fail as a mom and a wife almost daily. I’m human, it happens, right?
Even after a beautiful time surrounded by women I admire and adore Saturday evening; I still felt unworthy of it all. I was loved on, encouraged, gifted some beautiful things, and read through a handful of genuine cards; yet I still thought to myself "do they really think these things, do they truly enjoy my friendship, because there's no way I'm worthy of any of this".
Now, I'm not saying any of this to get confirmation that they do or be told encouraging things because I was having a doubtful moment. I'm being real and if we're all real, then I'm sure we can all admit that we sometimes doubt our worth. We shouldn't, but we do.
I went to bed that night and was so frustrated that I just couldn't feel the joy I knew I should be feeling. I kept asking the Lord to just take the heaviness away, allow me to feel peace, and to be able to fully celebrate in the joys of life. I then realized that I've lost my footing a bit. I've stepped out of the identity I have in Him. I labeled myself a failure after a recent situation that hit our family and I've been carrying that for almost 2 months now. He spoke to my heart and told me to let Him have it, to grab tighter to His hand, and to fight for my freedom in it.
Sunday morning during worship, I fought back. I begged God to set me free from these lies, this anxiety stricken life lately, these chains that keep me bound to the ground, and I declared freedom in this area of my life. I may have even yelled it out over and over! The students in front of me probably thought “set her free already!”.
He gave me freedom though. He lifted the burden that I thought was mine to carry and He broke the chains on this situation I thought needed to hold me down. See, when I feel like I messed up, I sometimes want to carry it around, as if I need to be punished for messing up, but that's not what He wants for us. He's created this beautiful connection for us to reach out to Him and hand our burdens over. We just have to let them go.
Today, in my quiet time with Him, the Holy Spirit told me to grab my birthday cards and read through each one again. I did and I received each word, each compliment, each God given piece of identity my friends spoke over me. I cried. Tears of gratitude to the God who loves me so much and knows just what I need when I need it. Honestly, I would've tucked those cards away and not looked over them again for awhile. He knew I needed to actually read them and to remember whose I am.
He adores you, He wants freedom for you, He wants joy for you. Will you let Him give those things to you?
Yeeesss!! Thank you for being honest and vulnerable.ReplyDelete