Empty Cup

For as long as I can remember my heart has always desired to make sure that I do a really good job of letting my friends and family know how much I care about them, how often I'm lifting them up, and how much I appreciate them.

Whether it be a quick text that says “hey I’m thinking of you, I love you, and I’m thankful for you”, a card, a phone call, a thoughtful gift just because, an encouraging word because I know they’re going through a hard time, a quick post to let them know I was thankful to spend time with them, grabbing them a coffee, a message through Facebook asking them if they need anything because I saw they were sick, saving boxes because I heard they were moving, saving coupons for them that I know they could use, making a playlist for them as they prepare for that new baby….anything I know that would mean something to someone I care about, I strive to do. Why? It’s just the heart the Lord gave me. I don’t do it to feel good about myself or to receive any gratification or expect anything in return; I do it because I care, because I want to be a person that those around me can count on, I want to be a person that people can come to when they need a shoulder, an ear, or a smile. I want to be like Jesus. {1 John 2:5-6}

Although, I am human and unfortunately I fail more times than I’d like. Then there are times when I’m just drained. As a wife, mother, daughter, sister, friend, etc. there are moments when I give so much of myself that I have nothing left in my cup to give. That emptiness can be a dangerous thing for me.

Lately, there has been so much going on around me and I've struggled the last few weeks with trying to be there for everyone as much as I would like to be. I've become mentally and physically drained. As I struggled, I started feeling guilty for not being that servant I desire to be and I started to put my guard down as I was losing strength. Well, when we put our guard down and get distracted, the enemy quickly finds his way in. Jerk. ;) {Luke 21:34-36}

I began feeling sorry for myself. My mind started wondering to places it didn't need to go. I wondered why no one reached out to me the way I reached out to them, I wondered why don’t I get asked for coffee dates as much as I ask for them, why don’t people don’t invite me to hang out as much as I invite them, why other moms don’t reach out to make play dates with my boys as much as I do their kids, why don’t I get cards and texts and phone calls as much I give them…..my mind was flooding with whys. I started feeling resentment and bitterness. Then I starting feeling sadness and began to feel like I wasn't a good friend, that I wasn't someone people wanted to hang out with, and then enemy took it as far as making me feel like because of my disability people didn't want to be around me. He’s evil, he’s heartless, and he will creep in and bring you down faster than you realize sometimes.

I spent a lot of time in prayer the last couple days as I struggled to make sense of all I was feeling and asked the Lord to take these feelings away. He began removing those thoughts and reminded me that even if all of those things were true {and they very well may be}, it doesn't matter. I am HIS masterpiece, I am HIS creation, HE made me the way I am, and HE loves me. And that’s enough.

This morning as I was taking the boys to daycare I was thanking the Lord for helping me to see those things and removing those silly thoughts. As I was starting to feel better about everything I wanted to text one of my best friends whose been through more heartache lately than I could ever imagine. I picked up my phone went to text her to remind her that I’m thinking of her and I love her and I had nothing. I literally could not get the text out. My cup was empty.

Amidst all I was feeling over the last couple weeks I forgot just how drained I was. I had been asking the Lord to give me peace and to help me not feel all those negative feelings. He was faithful to answer those prayers, but I never took the time to have my cup filled back up.

I put my phone down and realized that before I can give anymore of myself, I needed my cup to be filled back up. I starting praying and I asked the Lord to replenish my cup, to remind me that I am loved, and to continue to help me remember that regardless of how much I reach out to others that my worth and my value doesn't depend on them reaching out in the same way.

I took my boys inside, loved on them, and came back in my car to find I had a text message from that very friend I went to text this morning. I opened the text to find a sweet message that said “You are loved and cherished! I hope you have a great day!”

I sat in my car, eyes filled with tears, and heart filled with gratitude to a God who didn't have to answer my little prayer, who didn't have to answer it so quickly, and who surely didn't have to answer it in the most perfect way.

See, when I prayed all those things to Him this morning, deep down I really just wanted to be reminded by my friends that I am loved and He knew that. Even though I know that I don’t need to be reminded by them, there was still part of my struggle that just wanted to know that I was valued. He knew that without me even asking. He knows the desires of our hearts, He knows the deepest parts of our struggles, He knows just what we need when we need it, and He is so incredibly faithful. He never fails and I’m so thankful for His perfect love.

I’m also incredibly thankful for the heart of my best friend and her willingness to listen to the Lord’s direction and her desire to allow the Lord to use her to reach me in the midst of my struggle.

So, today I put my heart on my sleeve just a little bit more than I’m comfortable with, but I want to encourage each of you to take time for yourselves and allow the Lord to fill your cups. Life gets so busy and we are running in a million different directions pouring ourselves into our families, our friends, our jobs, our ministries, or our daily activities and we forget just how important it is to be still in the presence of the Lord to allow Him to fill our cups.

I challenge you today to find a few minutes, sit in His presence, do nothing, and just let Him pour His love over you.

{Quick interruption…..as I’m sitting here closing this blog post, I hear my phone buzz with a text message and I look over to see a text from another amazing friend telling me that I’m “such a beautiful and sweet mom”. Then as I’m typing this interruption my phone rings and it’s my husband calling to make sure I’m doing ok. He said he wanted to see if I was ok with all my Facebook posts lately. I’m more than ok! J God is TRULY incredible…..He doesn't work by coincidence, He works with a purpose….He is faithful.}

                     

Thank you Jesus. I love you.

Be still my heart and know
You are God alone
Stop thinking so much
and just let go

Be still my soul and rest
Humbly I confess,
in my weakness your strength is perfect

For You alone are God, there will be no other
And You have won my heart more than any other
So I will give it all 'cause you gave it all for me

xoxo,

Krista