There are no words...

My heart remains heavy today. There are a range of emotions that I continue to feel over this tragedy in Newtown, CT.

When I saw the breaking news alert pop up on my phone Friday I went numb, moved my phone away from me, and thought “there’s no way that could be true; I read it wrong”.  It wasn't until I went to lunch, turned on news radio, and heard the gory details of what took place that morning that I believed the reality of the nightmare. Overcome with emotion I burst into tears. My heart broke into a million pieces as my mind imaged these precious helpless little souls being taken from this world in such a horrific way.

I immediately began to think about all the recent horror stories flooding the news; from local to national. All I could think was that it’s just too much. I wanted to question, I wanted to yell at someone, and I wanted to fall apart. Our world is lost and it’s broken; and it’s scary.

All day on Friday I listened to the news updates, cried more, prayed harder, and counted down the minutes until I could run out of the building at work and get to my son. I dropped to my knees when I got to his daycare and just held him, kissed him, and told him over and over how much I loved him.

This morning when I dropped my son off, I prayed in desperation for his continued safety. I felt a fear that wasn't normal for me. As a mother my life is changed and the way I feel about situations like these is completely different. I become more fearful than I’d like to be.

I realized though that I was allowing one evil soul to create fear within me. I then decided I will not give him that chance. I have nothing to fear because my faith and hope lies in a God who holds all things in the palm of His hands. Psalm 56: 3-4 “But when I am afraid, I will put my trust in you. I praise God for what he has promised. I trust in God, so why should I be afraid? What can mere mortals do to me?”

Nothing can change the horror that happened on Friday and nothing can change the fact that the world lost some precious little hearts. We have to bind together in love and do the best we can from here on out. We have to teach our children the great power behind love. We have to lead by example. We have to strive to leave a greater legacy than those before us, so that as we all move forward in life we give our children a chance to see greatness, to be a part of greatness, and to be the difference.

My heart aches for each of you affected by this tragedy. I’m so very sorry. I can’t imagine the pain you feel wanting nothing more than to hold your loved one in your arms.

My prayers will continually be lifted for all of you.

With all my love,

An official fund for victims' families, and the community as a whole, has now been established: The Sandy Hook School Support Fund, set up by the United Way of Western Connecticut will provide support services to families and the community. All donations to this fund will go directly to those affected.

You can send words of support and messages for families affected in an Evergram here if you are not able to make a donation. They will be collated and given to the families in the future.


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